Oh Shit. Here comes the future...

Only start reading if you are in for the long haul. This post is long, rambling and thought-filled. And 100% me....

I haven't posted in a while and right now I am in more of a confused and complicated place than I have ever been in during my life. There is one main reason for that, one which is at the forefront of my mind for 23 hours of the day (I take 1 hour for other stuff xD) and that is UNIVERSITY! So on my mind that it has to be in caps when I type it! With the following sentences ending in exclamation marks!!!!!!

Yes University. I have to try and choose which courses to go on, at which university, why I want to go there and be sure that these decisions are going to be the right ones for me as they are going to change the rest of my life. All of these life changing decisions have to be made by me, without seeing any of the universities and by next Friday. NEXT FRIDAY! And that alone is melting the very atoms of my brain by the second. Soon enough my head will be hollow and the brain melting stress will have to move onto the next vital organ.

So yeah. Those decisions need to be made. Soon.

But even with that set aside for the one hour of the day I am not thinking about it, a million other things rush into the tight space known as my conscious mind.

Some of the million things include:

1. How am I nearly 18 already?
2. I'm not ready to be 18!
3. Can I not reverse my age?
4. What will I do for money if I fail my exams?
5. What do I do for my 18th?
6. Why am I such a twat?
7. What is the meaning of life?
8. The Game! FUCK!
9. Ha ha, you just lost the game.
10. Wonder what we are having for dinner?
11. When will my EMA start?
12. I need a haircut.
13. I need to sort my face out.
14. I need to dye my hair again.
15. Why does YouTube hate me?
16. Where am I going wring?
17. Is it Saturday?
18. If it is Saturday. Crap, need to make a video fore DDoE
19. Where has this year gone?
20. How am I doing on 365 days in 20 ways

Abd on and on and on and on. These then repeat 'till my head bursts and my now atomised brain spurts in all directions.

But seriously. My life is pretty screwy right now. From a personal side I have some family stuff that is just crap really. I have all the above problems and 999 980 more to deal with. And some of them just seem massive in my head and scare me to death. Slowly I am starting to realise what is happening to me. I'm growing up. And not just in the literal way, like age and height but really growing up. I'm worrying about money and Uni and work and living and just adults stuff. (No, not that kind of adult stuff) and it genuinly terrifies me. I'm gonna be an adult soon. I don't want to be one.

You would think after 18 years of prep I would have realised this. But it turns out i thought I was Peter Pan and would never grow up. Reality is now hitting me hard in the face, with a shovel.

So. My current metal state is fucking terrfied of the future.
Uni is fast approaching and I don't even know if I want to be there. And the older I get the less I am starting to like the person i am becoming but whenever I try to change it, I can't. Maybe I will always be like this or maybe it takes this fear and terror to change me into a better person. Into a better man?

Maybe I'll find out. But for right now. The world is whizzing past me at a million miles per hour and I feel like i'm being left behind....

See you all soon.

DFTBA!